The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
