dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
