If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Will exercising make me less horny?
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