loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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