the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
