Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
