She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
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She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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