I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly