Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
