My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything