He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.