sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar