I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
