I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
