just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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