so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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