My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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