Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
