ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
