My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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