it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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