There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
