What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's the barista slut.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
