Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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