I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
