why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
