His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Randomize
