do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
