I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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