so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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