I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
