can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
