I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
