I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
