I think I won the penis lottery.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
