so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
