im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
