This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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