if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
