okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
