I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
