she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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