im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
