i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
