So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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