kristin has been a bad kristin
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
