When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
