I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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