My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
