She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
