Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
