I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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