Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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