Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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