I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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