Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize