Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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