Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
