the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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