Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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