You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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