Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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