Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I smell like Dick and happiness
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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