I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
