Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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