That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
