i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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