im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
