so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
