I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
