so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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