when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
