I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
