can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
