I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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