when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Watching her eat just hurts me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
