So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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