You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.