too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.