i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.