update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.