The maid of honor just puked.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
worst night to have a conscience
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.