see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
