The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
