I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
