So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
