non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
